I always seem to start off my posts apologising for how long it’s taken me to get another one written, despite my promises to be more regular with musings. Problem is with me, I’m a bit all or nothing. I don’t like doing stuff for the sake of it. I write better when something has really pissed me off or when something has inspired me. Felt a bit of both of this lately so here we go.
With the Golden Globes the other week and the Me Too movement, the fact that this year is 100th anniversary of women’s suffrage or that generally you can’t seem to go a day at the moment without something in the press based around the way women have been treated, I feel now is the time to discuss how I who was once a very adardent (🙄) denier of Feminism became yet now proud to be feminsit. I’m sure much to the surprise of many people that have known me.
I guess there’s lots of reasoning around this. I don’t proclaim to know the answers or being the pinnacle of the movement but I can explain my own understanding and journey in regards to feminism and I hope it will maybe go a way to widen some understanding with people I know or people who had the same reservations as I did.
There’s two main points that used to hold me back. The fact that I felt I wasn’t really feminist enough to be welcomed in that movement and the demonisation of the movement itself. Here’s my viewpoint on both of those as I feel they do go a little hand in hand with one & other.
Feminism is completely demonised. By both men and women. It’s looked at with scorn. That it’s man hating, that it hates women who stay at home, hates mothers, hates wives, that it is weak and it is whiney. Just moaning about stuff that really isn’t “that big a problem.” The fact it is made out this way really highlights why feminism is needed. Why shouldn’t there be a movement that promotes women across all spectrums and simply wants equality. Equality?! I hear people say. You’ve got equality, be thankful you’re not treated like those “poor third world country women” Right ok then. Well that’s all bullshit. Women are without a doubt still treated differently on account of the simple fact that they are women. Want some examples that I know will resonate with many of my friends? Here I will give you two. Firstly I’ve made no bones of the fact that getting back into work has been a real struggle. I have yet to have an interview that hasn’t mentioned “what will I do for childcare” or even more brilliantly “how will I feel about leaving my child to work” 🙄 yet Chris, who has also had interviews never had any of this questioning. Because you know men don’t give a shit about their kids but women, well that’s basically our soul purpose isn’t it. Here’s another point, familiar with so many women in my life. Again around motherhood. So you decide to stay at home with your kids, you’re a sponger, lazy, don’t have a real job, you are just expected to get along with it, I mean you are a woman after all it’s your purpose. Then you decide to go to work and now all of sudden you’re selfish, you don’t love you’re kids, you’re neglecting them, they are missing out. For some reason we are literally defined by just our motherhood alone in a completely different way to what fathers are. You don’t even escape this if you don’t have children. You get judged for that too in a way that men never appear to be. You never see the press focus on a mans lack of children, yet women need to be defined and even described by it. Here’s the thing. That’s really not ok and we really don’t have to and shouldn’t have to put up with it.
Building on from this is the myth of having to be a certain type of women to be a feminist. Like you need to pass some kind of test. This test means you can’t enjoy watching Keeping up Kardashian’s or using fake tan because that’s not very feminist 😂 Again just in case you need it clarifying this is all bullshit. It all plays into that nice little rhetoric to turn women off feminism, because, you know feminists are big fat hairy kill joys who want to ban absolutely everything and remove men from the planet. Yep all of them. 🙄 A real good article on this was featured in the Pool. I credit it with firmly confirming that OF COURSE I AM A FEMINIST. You should read it too. https://www.the-pool.com/arts-culture/tv/2017/30/amy-jones-on-the-can-you-be-a-feminist-question# Slight case in point. Not so long ago I remember seeing a twitter post where a girl has been shamed because the picture she posted (of her incredibly toned stomach) had hair on it. Rediculious. Although it felt pretty good to see so many people come to her support about how stupid it is for someone to be shamed over body hair, I also noticed so many of her supporters started their tweets with “I’m not a feminist but…” and lots of the horrible anti comments started with “here come the femnazis” what a shame that feminism has become a dirty word. Why should quite simply put, supporting fellow women be seen as a bad thing. Feminism in my eyes has zero to do with hating men. In fact the actual idea that it always gets linked this just proves the need for feminism in the first place. It’s not about bringing others down to propel yourself. Lately we have seen a real rise of self love, self promotion, celebrating yourself as an individual. Does this get greeted with a chorus of “well you don’t care about anyone else then do you?” Very rarely. So why does a movement of sisterhood always seem to receive that exact sentiment. That you can’t love women and cheer them on with out hating men? It’s stupid. I could talk for hours about whataboutary but this post I read recently is the incredible. So I implore you you to read this instead. https://victimfocus.wordpress.com/2018/01/03/stop-asking-me-what-about-men/amp/?__twitter_impression=true I’ve watched Oprah’s speech from the Globes over & over again today. “What I want you to know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have” For too long I’ve cared too much about fitting in, about being laughed at, about not belonging, not being the brightest or being a fraud. I’m not making the excuses any more and I have someone else to think about. I might not amount too much, if anything but I will continue to ensure that my daughter always knows that she is not held by the bounds of being a “girl”. Should she want to be a scientist, a nurse, a doctor, a footballer or indeed should she want to stay at home and be a mother. The difference is the choice is hers. Not anyone else’s to decide or Pigeon hole her into. I hope as a Mum to show her that she can be what ever the bloody hell she wants to be. That, my friends, is my Feminsim and to damn with what any one else may think.